How Far Can We Go Physically Before Marriage?

Rev. Ernest O'Neill

And so really, the whole question of how far should you go is really simply answered if you remember that the principle that God has ordained is from the inside out.  And so if you take that famous line, its easy there’s no legalism about it.  There’s no need to make rules for each other, all you have to reflect is am I expressing to the other person what Jesus in his Spirit, wants me to express and what they are able to receive without it absolutely dominating and overwhelming what is coming from within them?

In other words, all you ask is does holding hands, does kissing, does embracing, does prolonged embrace, does prolonged kissing, does petting begin to force their personality to be driven by the passions of the body?   Are we driving them out of self-control?   Are we driving them out of what they really want to express and what is really appropriate to express by the degree of commitment that we have made to each other legally and civilly?  Or, is it something that is inappropriate?  Are we in fact stimulating, and motivating, realizing that love play is a preparation for intercourse and intercourse is a preparation for children, are we beginning to stimulate in order to disappoint?   Are we beginning to start physical feelings within a person that we then cruelly and heartlessly cut off in frustration?

Well there you can see whether you love a person or not, because love is not lust and it’s not getting satisfaction for myself for my own body, and it’s not stimulating their body to see what kind of things it will do.  Love is wanting to share the Spirit of God that has come from us with them, and to build them up into that image.  And so really, there is no legalism, there is simply mature reflection on what affect I am doing is having on the other one.  Is it encouraging them to be in control of themselves?  Is it encouraging them to do only what in their sane and sober moments they will be glad they did?  Or am I in fact beginning to create unbearable conflict?  It is God’s will that their personalities would work outwardly and am I doing the work of Satan by trying to make them work from the outside in and therefore creating unbearable conflict in them.